Ep. 84 | Struggle To Turn Off Work Mode In Order to Recharge? [Behind the Scenes Coaching Session with Dr. Amelia]
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In this episode of Life Boost with Amelia, Dr. Amelia introduces a new podcast format—a real-life behind-the-scenes coaching session.
Listen in as she helps Sasha*, an entrepreneur and mom, navigate the challenge of turning off work mode so she can be present with her family and recharge—instead of continuing to work late into the evening.
Using her holistic background and unique blend of coaching styles, Dr. Amelia demonstrates how quickly change can happen through a strategic conversation that combines neuroscience, somatic work, self-compassion, and experimenting to find what resonates best with her unique client.
💡 Why listen?
✔ Struggle to switch off after work? You’re not alone.
✔ Experience a real coaching session and see how quickly the brain can rewire.
✔ Notice how listening to someone else being coached on something you relate to (like being stuck in the flight stress response and feeling like there's always too much to do) can create a shift in your own life.
✔ Learn practical strategies to make it easier to "turn off" and create boundaries—so you can be more present and actually recharge.
✨ Tired of feeling stuck in work mode? Tune in and take the first step toward rewiring stress patterns and creating the balance you deserve.
Resources mentioned:
*Name changed for privacy
01:02 Introducing a Unique Coaching Session
02:37 The Power of Group Coaching
04:54 Diving into the Coaching Session
06:53 Struggles with Rest and Work-Life Balance
11:52 Exploring Time Management Challenges
21:12 Tapping and Visualization Techniques
30:46 CEO Sasha's Advice on Self-Care
36:00 Struggling with Organization and Prioritization
38:13 Brain Dump and Monthly Planning
39:03 Balancing Expectations and Perfectionism
41:55 Dealing with Inner Critic and Client Expectations
44:39 Experimenting with Time Management
48:03 Reflecting on Progress and Future Plans
48:43 Managing Guilt and Setting Boundaries
57:31 Embracing New Habits and Self-Compassion
01:05:15 Feedback and Positive Changes
01:09:21 Rewiring the Brain and Habit Formation
Transcript
Welcome to the Life Boost with Amelia podcast where we're changing the narrative around what true health and success look like. They should give you energy, not drain it. I'm your host, Dr. Amelia multi-passionate integrative health and life coach, entrepreneur, and recovered burnout veterinarian. Together, we'll explore the science behind how your brain and body work, including the unconscious mind while also connecting with what your heart needs in order to stand up to the norm of feeling stuck on a hamster wheel-working hard yet feeling exhausted and not where you want to be- and instead live a life that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning and in love with who you see when you look in the mirror. The reality is if you do what everyone else is doing, you're not going to feel good. Let's break the norm.
Hi friend. I thought it would be fun to try something new. So today's episode is actually a recording of a coaching session and if you have ever If you have ever felt like it is hard to rest even when you know you should, when maybe at night you have a hard time transitioning from work and that go go go to being present with family or being able to sit down for dinner or to unwind for the evening, if you have ever felt like that is a challenge, Then I think you're going to find this episode really helpful.
And I'm trying this for a couple of reasons.
The first is that My coaching style is very unique, it encompasses so much because I have such a holistic perspective, that mind body approach, but also really bringing into that brain rewiring and neuroscience perspective. Because I am a health and life coach and I'm also certified in integrative change work, which really is magical. And so, I wanted you to be able to listen in and to get an idea of what coaching could be like if you have never been coached before. And I wanted you to see how even in the span of an hour, there can be really big shifts and how capable the brain is of learning new patterns and feeling a new way about something that has been getting in the way of feeling the way that you want to feel or doing the thing that you want to do for a long time.
The other reason I wanted to do this is because there is so much power in listening to somebody else being coached on something that you personally have experienced. I first realized how powerful that was because I was in a group coaching program, and I never was the one to actually be coached, but I experienced such huge shifts being able to listen to other people sharing experiences that I could relate to.
My life boost mentorship program includes weekly group coaching. And so I wanted you to be able to just get a sense of what that might be like for you. Knowing that every time I coach, it is very different because it really is this beautiful dance that I get to do where this was the first time I had coached this individual and I changed the name in the episode just to keep it anonymous.
But the first session is always this opportunity for me to just see how your mind works, how the unconscious works, what resonates. And so I get to throw different ideas and techniques around and we get to find which ones you respond best to. So know that this is an example of what it could be like, but also if I was to be coaching you, it could be completely different.
And please let me know what you think of this, because if I hear that you did find this helpful, then I will probably try to do it maybe like once a month or once every couple of months. So if you listen and you're like, wow, I would really love to experience this, then reach out. It can be anonymous. And it's a way to get a complimentary coaching call. And to be clear, this coaching session was done with the intention of it being a podcast episode, so know that I would never, ever, share a coaching session, even if it was anonymous, without going in with that intention and direct consent. Okay. I hope you enjoy.
Amelia:
Okay, so what would you like to talk through or change today?
Guest:
Um, let's definitely start with the. Allowing myself to rest. Um, I've actually been talking about this recently with, um, I started doing an EFT tapping program. Thanks to you. You were like my first introduction to it. And, um, I have high hopes that it's going to do good things for me. Um, so I was talking with her about how I don't feel like I can, like, let off the gas and relax. That's something that is very hard for me. Um, yeah. And it's like almost backwards because I feel like I have to like put pressure on myself to take pressure off myself. And so it's, it doesn't really work. Yeah, yeah, that makes so much sense. It is. It's like you're like trying to put on the emergency break, right? It's like you're stuck with like the gas pedal on because your body has learned that like the flight stress response productivity is super safe. And so, yeah, that makes sense that it's like, to stop that. It does take a lot of effort. And that really is just like a habit that your brain has learned, right? It's like probably really early on it learned that like productivity is really safe and good And so it wants to do whatever it needs to to keep you safe. And so it's latched on to that. But the cool thing is that our brain is very capable of rewiring and learning new things when we offer it the opportunity. So can you think of one specific scenario? I'm sure you can think of a million, but, one specific time lately when you knew maybe that you should rest or you wanted to be able to rest, but it felt really hard. Can you take me back To one memory. Where are you? What's happening? Yeah. Um, this is, this is something that happens every day. Um, that just with my schedule, the way that it is with, um, the demands of motherhood, dropping kids off, picking them up, getting them snacks. Like my work most days tends to be pretty chunked. And so it always feels like I am behind. So when I hit the end of the day, I'm still pushing to work and oftentimes, um, and I, in an ideal world, I would be done with work at, like, the typical 5 o'clock. but since I run my own business and I know there's things that are sitting there, I, after we eat dinner, after we get the kids ready for bed, I'll sit there and work for another hour or two. And then by the time I hit that breaking point where I'm just like, my brain can't handle anymore, I, I, I have to shut down because this work is not going to be done as well as it could be. Um, then I need that time to unwind. And so then I, will probably pick the worst thing like scrolling my phone. I've been trying to be better about coloring or get little sticker by number things or Just something else that I know is more restful for my brain than scrolling, but I need time to do that. And then I end up going to bed later than I would like to. So it's like this vicious cycle because on the next morning I don't get up when I want to like to start my day before everybody to get out for a walk. So yeah, it's, but I can't, I like literally feel like I can't stop myself from. Closing up the computer at, at, you know, right before dinner time or anything like that. So yeah, I hope that makes sense. It is a good example to use. It
Amelia:
completely makes sense. Yeah. And I can relate to that too. It's hard when you have work at home and it can be so tempting and that, that desire to always like get ahead. Right. Even though like that. Is maybe not something that happens, but we tell ourselves if we just like do all of this, then maybe it will all be better. So, if you could just choose how you wanted it to be, what would your evening look like instead?
Guest:
Um, I would love to be shut down with my work before dinner time, ideally, so I could I could help out with dinner time. I'm very grateful. My husband does the cooking and I take care of cleaning up after dinner, but Um be done so that I could feel like my mind is shut down to be more present At dinner time because even sometimes i'm sitting there i'm like, okay i'm running through the list while we're having family time of What I need to get done after, um, so then I can be more present with getting my kids ready for bed. Like we usually do a little bit TV time, so sometimes I'm on my computer sitting next to them on the couch while they're watching, um, and then not feeling stressed about getting them up off to bed. I want them to get to bed so that they can get their rest, but I know a lot of it is the pressure to get back to my computer. Um, and then after that, ideally spending quality time with my husband because we've both gotten into, um, he's guilty of it too. So it's, it's both of us where he's, he's doing work on his computer too. Um, and so then we're not getting quality time, which impacts our relationship. So, yeah, I would love to have my brain shut down. Before dinner time from work so that I can focus on the stuff that I'm not focusing on right now that that matters a lot.
Amelia:
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That makes so much sense. Just really being present for the things, the other things in life that really matter. And so in this scenario, is it like, even if you haven't done everything that maybe was like on your to do list for the day by dinner, would you like to be able to transition into that evening time of just being present with your family and just not having all of those other things on your mind?
Guest:
Right, right.
Amelia:
Okay. So the way that it works to help to kind of just like rewire the brain is if we can light up a specific memory, then we can start playing with that and that can start creating change. So you said it happens most days. So can you bring me to make? Maybe it was last night or one specific time that you can remember and just walk me through where you are. What's happening up until that point where you wish that you could just turn off and transition to the evening. But Something's happening where it's feeling hard.
Guest:
Um, so I, this is hard to explain. I feel like I get time blind too sometimes because I really enjoy what I do for work. And so, like, I'll be at my computer, I'll be working on, and then all of a sudden I'm like, oh my gosh. It's like basically dinner time or like my husband be like, hey, like dinner's almost ready And then I start to feel like that panic of oh my gosh okay, like what are the things that I really needed to get done today like I even start thinking ahead to like the next day to like, okay What do I have tomorrow that like I need to make sure i'm prepared for so that tomorrow doesn't start off on A bad foot where i'm i'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed um because I I have a tendency to look ahead and try to Plan to eliminate problems before they happen. I, that's just my natural instinct. Um, I'm an enneagram six and that's just how my brain works. Um, so yeah, so like I'll be sitting there and just running through and my brain is just firing off all the things. And what feels safest to me is to just make the plan of tackling it as soon as I can, which is that after dinnertime versus. I don't know, probably more healthy to like make a plan to let it go and plan for the next day, that kind of thing.
Amelia:
Yeah. Okay. So it sounds like it's a little like you maybe don't even have much of a sense of time. And then it sounds like, is it your husband saying it's time for dinner? There's something that kind of brings you back to reality. And then your brain is like, wait now I have to like come up with this whole plan. Does that sound right? And I think one other thing that I would add to the, the situation is. Um, I, I just now have a dedicated space where I have a door that locked before I was working in our mud room. Um, where, which it's like basically right off our kitchen and I could hear everything. I could hear our kids talking, I could hear my husband talking to them, like all that extra noise and stimulation when I'm trying to like wrap up all that makes it harder for me to do my work. So I'm hoping this new kind of space situation will help. Um, I don't know that it will completely eliminate just like the time blindness that I have. I think that's something that is just. Part of me that I, I don't know, I need to figure out some kind of strategy, but yeah, yeah So you're like kind of in the zone. Like is that a bad thing? Do you feel like the the time blindness?
Guest:
Um, I don't not necessarily Yes and no. I think it makes me really, um, efficient with my work when I get into that zone, like, I can, like, bust out a lot of work, um, but I do have a tendency to forget everything else around me, so, like, especially since I'm working in chunks where I feel that pressure for time, um, it is not uncommon for me to forget to eat lunch because it is. I'm just like, I've got to get this done and I get in the zone and I'm working and all of a sudden I'm like, Oh, it's time for preschool pickup. I've got to go get my son. And, um, so I think there's definitely positives of it. Um, but some of the challenges. with meeting my needs, um, are definitely more on the negative side.
Amelia:
Yeah, sure. Yeah. So it sounds like it is that flow state, which is such a great place of like productivity and focus. Um, but yeah, the other life things too and making sure you're fueling your brain for, for that focus is helpful. Do you ever set timers or anything for yourself just as like reminders or time blocking?
Guest:
I have, I have not, I have a special little timer that my client got me. And I I'm familiar with the Pomodoro technique and I'm always like, I should do that, but I have not. And I only like a handful of times I've used it because you can set it in increments for like five, 10, 15, 20 maybe. Um, and part of me, I know is resistant to that also though, because I'm like, okay, well, if I do 20 minutes and then make myself take a five minute break. That's five minutes that I'm not getting to work that yeah, I'm I'm losing that productivity. I'm I'm losing that time
Amelia:
Yeah. Do you find, is there an amount of time when you start to decrease in the productivity? Because 25 minutes, that is pretty short of like, if you are really in the flow state and then to have to get out of that and take a break, I can understand how that would be kind of unappealing. But what about like 90 minutes, you know, or an hour? When is the time when your brain starts to lose focus, do you think?
Guest:
Um, probably Probably closer to two hours, like maybe like 90 minutes to two hours, like that's,
Amelia:
yeah. So, I mean, that could be one thing is, is playing around with setting those timers, but like allowing yourself a bigger block of like, okay, this is a beautiful 90 minute block of time where I just get to be in my flow state in my work. And then after I'm going to like, remember my other basic necessities. Yeah. Or being present with my family, but going back to this the discomfOrt of pausing.. So I'm trying to find what the triggers are like the things that make your brain suddenly start to panic a little bit like, Oh, no, I don't want to slow down like a slowing down doesn't feel good. So bring me to like, what room are you in? Like, what is just one scenario where that happens?
Guest:
Um, Like different from like before dinnertime and stuff or like even like at night when I'm like still working even though I know I should be shut down.
Amelia:
Yeah, any of those. Yeah, so it could be so in, um, right before dinner, walk me through like what room are you in? Like what's happening?
Guest:
You're right. Yeah. So, so it's different now since I have quieter space, but before it was, I'd be sitting in my room at my little desk, um, and, you know, hearing them talking, hearing my husband making dinner, talking to the kids. Um, and me just trying to basically zone that out to focus on what I'm doing to get it done as quick as possible.
Amelia:
Okay. And when you're trying to get it all done as quick as possible, but you can hear them, what is happening? Like, what happens in your body or what tells you that, like, things are starting to change? Like, you're starting to, like, maybe, okay, I see you touching your shoulders.
Guest:
Yeah, I feel tension in my shoulders. I feel, um, just a general sense of stress. Like, cause sometimes I do notice the time and I'll look at it. I'm like, oh gosh, like dinner's going to be ready soon. And like, I am not where I want or need to be. Um, so like I start to feel like that panic of. Okay, it's go time. Gotta go. Like,
Amelia:
uh,
Guest:
gotta get this done.
Amelia:
And that feeling of panic, um, does it have a movement at all? Sometimes in our bodies, um, like if we feel stress for a moment, like we feel this energy and then it kind of leaves our body. But when you have panic or anxiety, that feeling just stays stuck. And so sometimes there's almost like a motion or like a spin to it because it's just kind of like staying stuck in the body. So if you think about that feeling, do you have a sense of if you were to like show there was some kind of movement. What would that look like?
Guest:
I honestly don't know.
Amelia:
Okay, That's okay. Yeah. So can you feel a little bit of that feeling right now of like the tension or whatever feeling you get when When you have that sense of like, oh, it's about to slow down. I need to slow down, but I don't want to
Guest:
yeah I mean, I feel like I always have that sense Like my time is always very limited and I'm always on a deadline that I'm racing towards I definitely hold a lot of my stress in like my back and my shoulders
Amelia:
Okay. All right. And so that feeling, like, in your back and your shoulders, if you were to come up with, like, some kind of metaphor for it, can you describe it? Like, what does it feel like? Maybe if there was, like, if it was, like, a cartoon or maybe, like, something was doing something.
Guest:
Um, I don't know. I'm not great with metaphors. You're, you're challenging me here. I'm just saying it feels like pressure, um, weight. Um, yeah, I guess that's, that's the best way. A little bit of fatigue too. Always tired. Yeah.
Amelia:
Okay. So we'll just do something just to kind of shift out of that state. So since we know that tapping works well for you, let's just do a round of tapping together for a moment. So just start on the top of your head. And just start releasing and letting it go, and tapping right in between your eyebrows. I release and let this go. Tapping outside your eye where you feel the bone. I release and let this go. Tapping right below your eye where you feel the bone. I release and let this go. Tap on your collarbone. I release and let this go. Just holding onto your wrist. You can take a breath in. And slowly exhale. All right, so if you had a magic wand and you could just feel any way that you wanted to feel, like when it's evening and it's time to wrap up and you can transition into just like a great evening time with your family, how would you like to be able to feel, even if you had some work left to do?
Guest:
I would like to feel confident in myself that I will take care of it when it's time to work again. I'd like to feel like a sense of completion or like, like. Some sort of wrap that like I, um, I've done and I, I know probably saying what I need to do is probably not the right phrase to use, but, um, better acceptance around, like I've done everything I can do, um, for the time that I have for the day. Um, I'd say those, those two things, um, the most, so confidence in myself, and these are definitely themes in my life, um, confidence in myself, and then just accepting and acknowledging what I have completed, um, and those feel, those, I guess, three things really feel hard to do.
Amelia:
Sure. So being able to like, can you imagine having that window in the evening when your brain gets a break and you get to be fully present with your husband, you get that time instead of that, like, feeling you're both kind of together, but on your computers, you're not being fully present with your kids, like, instead, getting to enjoy your dinner, right? Yeah. Okay. Enjoy that time like having that that time back in your day What do you think that would do for like the next morning starting work again?
Guest:
Probably make me feel calmer Because I didn't go to bed in a state of rush or panic to try to serve myself I had like a longer window to do that. Um, I commonly feel like I am not, I'm always like dropping something. I know there's always that, that, uh, phrase of those glass balls versus the bouncy balls or however. And, um, I always feel like I'm just barely catching those glass balls before they fall. Um, and so I, I, I recognize that having that time would Give me more fulfillment across multiple areas instead of just my work. Um,
Amelia:
yeah yeah, because it's like having like if you were to actually be like driving and having like the gas pedal on and never stopping to refuel then Then eventually like something's gonna break or something's gonna get missed, right? But like imagine if each evening is like that time to just refuel recalibrate and how it It's kind of like if you think of the bell curve, like if you could start the mornings more gently because you're not as exhausted, maybe you can have that increase in great productivity during the day and then just that, like, gentle winding down so that you kind of have that energy the next day to to be focused and to remember all those things. Yeah. So imagine if that has become your routine, where you have things that are left to do sometimes at the end of the day, but you have so much confidence in how important your evenings are, because you've seen the proof of when I have that time to just be present and to recharge, I am so much more productive and I remember all the things the next day. How would that, what would that feel like? How would that change things do you think?
Guest:
I mean, honestly, it sounds very ideal. It sounds like that would be amazing. Um, I think there's like that lack of confidence in myself that I can do that. Um, like I, I can't help thinking like it's easier said than done. Like, and I, I am, uh, I'm very aware of some of the things that I could be doing that could have that associated it's and I've mentioned this to you before. It's the follow through the initiation and the follow through. And I can even sit there and be like, now's the time to shut down. Like, let's make this a good evening and. There's this, like, inner part of me that's like, just keep going, just keep going, just keep going, and like, thinking about, like, this ideal evening of relaxation and connection. It sounds amazing. It also kind of makes me want to cry. Um, because it feels almost unattainable for me personally. Um, it's just like all of my internal instincts fight so hard against that.
Amelia:
yeah, yeah. And that makes so much sense. So that part of you that is resisting it is Trying so hard to keep you safe and to protect you. And that probably originated a really long time ago. Do you remember like when, when you first started to have a hard time with rest?
Guest:
Um, probably really the, where it kind of feels like it picked up the most is once I became a mom because I just had so many more things to juggle. Um, before kids, there was a lot less on my plate, um, where it was easier to, well, easier or not. You don't know what you don't know. I always was like, how am I going to have time to do anything when I have kids? And now, like, I'm just like, you just make the time, like, I get it. People said that to me and I, I didn't really fully understand it until I was in it. Um, But like, I did a lot more self care for myself then I worked out much more consistently. Um, and since having kids, it's just much harder to rest because I just feel like, um, there's so much more to keep up with. Um, so much more responsibility, all, all the things. Um, and then that by itself. And then once I started my business, it just sent me off into a whole other level of responsibilities and kind of like accountability. Cause as my own business owner, I'm a, a one woman show here, the success or lack of success falls on me. And so, um, it makes that feel like if I don't, if I don't go, if I don't do, then things aren't going to happen for my business.
Amelia:
Yeah, it's so hard, right? Being the employee and the boss, all in one, it's a lot. So, I wonder if for a moment, you could imagine yourself. As like, kind of that you're looking at her, um, as the employee and now you can play the role of the boss. Okay. And what kind of boss would you like to be to your?
Guest:
Oh, my gosh. I would be a much, I would yell at myself for working past 5 p. m. I would say, why haven't you taken your PTO? Like, why are you not taking your lunch breaks? I mean, aside from the whole, um, legal aspect of it. Um, yeah, I, I would not be okay with an employee acting the way that I act..
Amelia:
Okay. I love it. Okay. So I think this boss needs to be able to speak up more often. So right now, what would you like to tell her to tell Sasha your employeE?
Guest:
Um, you need to take care of yourself, not not eating your lunch, not shutting down your computer and taking your time for yourself impacts how well you can do your job. Um, and those are important things that you need to do to be able to perform at your job to the best of your ability.
Amelia:
Yeah. And how does employee Sasha react to that?
Guest:
Employee
Amelia:
Sasha
Guest:
says, you're right. I know you're right. I just. Want to do a really good job. I want to see the success of this company and I know how much I can contribute to it, working, working my tail off. And what does CEO
Amelia:
Sasha say about it?
Guest:
CEO,
Amelia:
Sasha
Guest:
says you can still do it while having better boundaries for yourself, taking breaks, shutting down all of the things that you need to take care of you.
Amelia:
Yeah. And then how does employee Sasha react?
Guest:
Um, Employee is like, you're right, I know you're right, that's something that I am aware of, and I'm trying to be better at.
Amelia:
Yeah, it's nice, it sounds like you have a really compassionate boss who wants what's best for you.
Guest:
She's awesome. Yeah, she's great.
Amelia:
She does sound great. So I wonder, like, if you imagine tomorrow, when, or tonight, when it's time to wrap up. And you notice that it's time. What if CEO Sasha is there to support you a little bit and to remind you? What would, when you imagine that, what shows up? What do you notice?
Guest:
Um, permission, permission that it's okay, that what we're working on today will be there tomorrow and can pick up then and the world's not going to fall apart without finishing it. If it is work for a client, they hopefully are understanding if it's not to them when it needs to be. And if not, that's kind of on them. And maybe we're not truly aligned if they're going to hold to such high expectations to have things. Sent like they won't know if it's sent at 8 a. m. or done at 8 p. m. or anything like that.
Amelia:
Right. Yeah. And really you having that self awareness of like, this is when I need to stop so I can recharge so that I can be doing my best work the next day. That really is benefiting your clients, right? Like that is just prioritizing what you need in order to do the very best job instead of like finishing a project feeling kind of like Caught in that like, oh, I should be resting but I have to get this done that urgency It can be completed From such a great space when you do that, right? I wonder what it would be like if, because I know you said, like, during that transition in the evening, you have all these other things maybe that you want to do, what would it be like if you almost, like, wrote a little list to CEO, Sasha, of like, okay. I completed these today, and this is on my plan for tomorrow, and I'm gonna do that, but now I hear you. I know that I need to also rest, so I'm gonna do that, and tomorrow I'll be coming back stronger.
Guest:
Yeah, yeah, I mean, that sounds like a great idea. Sometimes I, sometimes I do do that, but not with as much intention as, like, recognizing what I've done and Like what's, kind of what's left, like what's to do, it's more of the focus is truly on what's next, what do I have to do, what can I not forget, what, what do I need to make sure I don't drop, um, to, yeah, I think switching the focus would probably be really helpful.
Amelia:
Awesome. Do you have a plan for, like, every month and every week and every day? Do you have, certain priorities or, like, a list? Like, how do you organize? Do you feel like you have a good system for organizing it right now?
Guest:
I don't. Ironically, as somebody who helps Other business owners with their systems. Um, I mean, I have all the technical stuff set up well, but, um, in terms of managing my business internally to meet my goals, um, I don't, and it's on literally on my to do list. Um, I have a great annual planning workshop that I received from a business coach. And it has been on my to do list for three weeks now to find the time to sit down and do it. And my husband says to me all the time that I should have better like weekly, monthly, quarterly check ins, that that would help me stay more organized and more focused. Um, but I just honestly haven't, I haven't prioritized the time to do that.
Amelia:
Yeah, and that's easy, right? That's easy to have happen when you are stuck in that flight mode. It feels like there's never enough time to prioritize those things. It's like the things that are urgent are seldom important, but the things that are important are seldom urgent, right? And so it that makes sense. But those things could help to make every day feel less of that. Like, I can't catch up. Um, One thing that I've found helpful you may as well is I'll do like a brain dump of like all the things like for the year that is on my mind projects, things that I want to get done, especially for my business and then I will like every month. I'll look at what's on my schedule and I'll be like, okay, these are the things on this list that I think I have the capacity for this month and I'll put them on my monthly thing. And then every week I do the same thing. So I look at what my week is notice, like, how does my body react when I already just look at, like, appointments and stuff that I have and. What do I feel like I can take on this week? And then I do that for the day too. And one thing that I think is so important and I, as a business owner too, I know it's so hard is like actually being reasonable about my expectations because there's a part of me that is like, okay, I know I'm, I'm only going to choose like the top three priorities because that's really like what I can do. And then I'll feel accomplished by the end of the day, but there is another part of me that's always like, yes, and also there are like, all these other things in my mind that I also like, secretly want to get done too. And one thing that helps me is, like, acknowledging both of those. Acknowledging the part of me that it's like, okay, I know that really I can probably just do these three things. And also, I'm gonna write down all the things that are secretly in my mind that I'm, like, trying to trick myself into, like, thinking I'll be able to have time to do those. That way I'm at least, looking at the full picture of my expectations. And then I can really come up with a plan of like, okay, realistically, I know I want to get everything done. This is probably what's reasonable. Like, how can I meet in the middle so that at the end of the day, I do have a sense that like, I've done my best. even if I don't finish everything. Yeah, I don't know if that sounds like something that might be helpful to you, but
Guest:
Yeah, so I do have, I have in, um, my planner where I have my priority list and then just like a general to-do list. I don't use it as well as I should. Um, it definitely, I think I put more on the priorities that just stay there and just stay there and. Just roll over from day to day. Um, I find myself and I think struggling with my expectations for my time and what I can realistically complete. So, and this is where, like, I get really hard on myself to where I'm like, it shouldn't take me this long. Like, why did it take me so long to do this task? Like I, and that goes back to my confidence to where, like, I want to be sure that I have the right answer or the right, you know, whatever. So like, I'll say I'm working on a new email newsletter. Like, I will write it and then take it to chat GPT to be like, this is what I'm doing. And then I'll go back and forth for chat GPT, like so many times to make sure that it's like, the perfect polished version. And it takes me way longer than I would have estimated that it would take. And so I think that's really hard when I put down my things for like my priorities versus like more general to do list because I just don't, I don't know, I don't, maybe it isn't taking me longer than it should, and it, the time is just what it is. I just, I, I don't know. That's when I start to wonder like if executive function wise, if um, I am like some sort of like somewhere on the spectrum of undiagnosed, like ADHD where. That's a factor in it. Like, I don't know.
Amelia:
Yeah. So, yeah, so it could be a couple of things, it's either like, okay, are things taking longer than they need to? Or is it actually just like a reasonable amount of time and unreasonable expectations? So sometimes with, um, what you describe of just like rest feels uncomfortable. That sounds very much like that flight. trauma response. And with that can also come like perfectionism and fear of it not being perfect. And that can sometimes contribute to things taking a long time because it could be kind of like what you're describing with chat GPT of like, okay, I have something that's like Probably pretty good already, but I want it to be perfect. So it's like, quickly you can get it to be pretty good, maybe like B plus level, but then it's like the same amount of time trying to make that like a plus and like, is that actually like, would B plus be totally fine. And, and you don't maybe know because you always go to like the A plus. Do you think that that could be it? Or do you think like. The way that you're doing it, it is important to get it to that level.
Guest:
That's tough to say, because like, I can only really base it off of like analytics, really, like how many people are opening my emails? Like in this particular scenario, how many people are opening? Um, how many people are replying what the click rate is, right? Like, like that's, that's like that, um, objective data that I have to go off of, um, subjectively. Like I tell myself, like, done is better. What's, what's that saying? Done is better than perfect. I don't, I forget what it is. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah. So, like, yeah, probably just the first draft. Is that probably, probably good enough? Like, yeah. Yeah. Um, but how do I move towards acceptance of that? Um.
Amelia:
So you can play right? Like, if you like the analytics, like, it would be pretty interesting to just embrace your inner researcher and to do a little experiment and to give yourself permission to just do it in the amount of time that you think it should take noticing when maybe there's that, urge to try to make it a little bit better, just but just to be like, okay, let's see, does it change the analytics at all? Like, is there any difference or is it the same? Is it better? Yeah, right. That's the kind of thing you can even share sometimes, you know, depending on your audience. I think that kind of like giving yourself permission and seeing if just like a little bit more like the raw version is okay, people are often really interested in that and could relate to it.
Guest:
Yeah, that's a good point. Okay. Sometimes I just need that change of perspective.
Amelia:
Yeah, right. And I think that's the thing. Sometimes our brains, it's like, we put so much pressure on ourselves to have the answer initially and to, like, know what's right and it's so often that's It's impossible, right? Until we've done it a different way and just experimented and seen what happens, there is no way of knowing. And so that's the kind of thing where it can also help like on a day when you feel like, Oh, like I thought I would be able to get those things done and I didn't. Just taking a few minutes and maybe that is at that point when it's time to transition into the evening, this could help maybe of noticing, okay, if I didn't get everything that I wanted to, taking a moment to just learn from that, collect some data, that's super valuable. Like, okay, did writing that newsletter actually take, you know, twice the amount of time that I thought, okay, so tomorrow or like in the future, what do I want to do differently? Do I want to give myself those two hours instead and just learn like that's actually a more realistic timeline or do I want to set a timer for an hour, give myself that, and then get to experiment and just have some curiosity of, like, does it even change the analytics at all? Or did you just majorly speed up your time to get it done?
Guest:
You're, you're speaking to my What my brain looks for, cause I, I'm always looking for that evidence and that, you know, that information to, to support or deny. So, um, I appreciate that.
Amelia:
Awesome. And so imagine if you have your work day and then CEO, Sasha checks in and lets, you know, it's time and you're able to use just like, it doesn't take very long, like maybe you take like 10 minutes, 15 minutes, just to, like, reflect on your day, think about what you can learn. Can you imagine, like, how powerful and impactful that like 10 to 15 minutes of reflection On what you can use to set yourself up for success the next day will have versus if you are working the entire evening And then never really getting to charge But also just like still feeling like you can't catch up not really reflecting and then like hamster wheel situation the same thing the next day
Guest:
Yeah, it definitely sounds worth a try and i'm i'm open to trying it um, I think my question is And this is where I struggle with, I'm like, okay, like, I'll set myself a plan and be like, all right, I'm going to try to do this for the next like week or two and we're going to assess and see how it goes. Um, like when I come to a day where it's like, I really don't have a choice. I have to get this stuff done. Like, I don't, I'm not working tomorrow. Like, I've got appointments, whatever. Um, I feel really disappointed in myself that. I, I didn't shut down that I did have a night where I had to work, um, projecting on the situation that, that hasn't happened, but I, I know that situations like this will, um, and it kind of goes back to what I said at the beginning of like the pressure to take off the pressure. Like I would love any thoughts that you have on that too. To deal with that because it'll happen. I know it will.
Amelia:
Absolutely. Yeah. And so it looks like you're almost like imagining. Is it? When you think about that scenario, like, does it show up in your mind? Like, are you seeing something?
Guest:
Yeah, I mean, even like, um, like tomorrow, I know I've got multiple meetings. I've got, um, some stuff with my kids where I know, like, my time to do, like, some client work that I have looming is there, um, and it's a client that I really want to wrap up this work for her, um, and I just don't even between, like, today and tomorrow, like, I'm like, I don't know where I'm gonna squeeze this in. Um, so, like, I, I could foresee, like, tomorrow night being, like, okay, well, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna take the time now and I'm, I'm gonna try to, like, squeak it out. Um, but then feeling guilty about doing that and feeling guilty knowing, like, what I'm taking away from, too, like, taking away from that family time, taking away from time with my husband. So, like. How do I work? Do I either just say like, no, I'm gonna have to just set that boundary and say that client work is gonna have to wait even though it's been sitting there and you've been feeling the pressure of it. This is, this is something that, like, would be, I don't want to say better for your body. Um, I don't know. Does that make sense though?
Amelia:
Oh, completely. Yeah, yeah. So, um, What do you think would relieve some of that pressure? So it sounds like you have an expectation right now of, like, when it should be done. But, like, logistically, that would be very hard to do tomorrow unless you definitely work in the evening. And so is your client expecting it to be done tomorrow?
Guest:
Not necessarily. I just have very high standards for the work that I produce. And, um, this was one of those time, not necessarily a time management thing, but, um, ran into more hurdles than I expected with this particular job. And so I know I'm disappointed in myself that it's not, it's not wrapped up yet that it's, it's still looming. And so I know I'm, Projecting that she is upset that it's not done yet that she stressed out that it's not done yet that it's, you know, impacting her business in any number of ways. Um, yeah, that's that's that's what is happening up in my brain.
Amelia:
Yeah, sure. That's understandable. And so from her perspective, like how lucky that you care so much about like her business and doing a good job and you have these high standards for yourself. And that's great for your business. And I think she would love to know that, right? Like, so I think there are a few options and one would be just to like, Check in with her and let her know a little bit like that sounds that's very reasonable, right? Like that a project just has more things that you are wanting to do an amazing job. You set this timeline for yourself and your, you know, wish that you could have had it done by this time, but you could offer and just give her an update of like, this is when I think I'm going to have it done, you know, or like. If this is causing, you know, any inconvenience, let me know and I can, like, stat it, but like, what do you think it would be like if you just checked in with her to, to let her know?
Guest:
So, I, I've been trying to check in with her and give her updates and, um, just let her know any, any new information that I get towards reaching a resolution for the particular dilemma that we're experiencing. Um, and. She's been nothing but sweet to me and grateful for the work that I'm doing. And, um, all the evidence is there that she is happy and not concerned, but there's something in my brain that still just tells me. She's, she's not and she's not going to work with me again or recommend me to other people or, um, any number of negative things. And I, yeah, I just, that's a big challenge with my brain is always looking for. evidence for the negative instead of the positive being like, she's very happy. She said nothing but good things. And, and so
Amelia:
that sounds like your inner critic. Yep. Um, does your inner critic, does that like voice those thoughts? Is that on the right side of your head?
Guest:
I don't know if I've ever paid attention to what side, I guess.
Amelia:
As you were talking about it, you kind of like motioned here, so sometimes like, sometimes those thoughts can come from a certain side, and like starting to get curious about it can help because our unconscious likes to sort things in certain ways, and so maybe like negative voices come from like the right side, or maybe it feels like they're like Kind of above you and like looking down on you or like you're being watched and like maybe supportive voices are like coming from a different place.
Guest:
Yeah, that's interesting.
Amelia:
It can be, yeah, it's certainly not something that you probably were aware of at first, but it can be an interesting thing to observe because once you see how your unconscious categorizes things, you can even play around with moving them like, okay, I'm noticing like these thoughts that are like coming, it feels like they're like coming down on me. What happens if I move them or what happens if I imagine like pushing them really far away? Yeah. Same with those thoughts of like, what if you could just like turn the volume down on them? Right. I'm like, okay, those are not helpful or naming your inner critic. like I've named my inner critic BK for buzzkill because that's what she does when she shows up, which is like, you know, I'll be like doing my thing and she shows up and that's just so unhelpful. So does any name come to mind that you could you can give your inner critic?
Guest:
Not one that I feel like I should say out loud. We'll go with that.
Amelia:
Okay, but hey, that's great if you have one. So, that can also be really helpful, just like calling those out. Um, but I wonder, like, if you consult with CEO Sasha, like, what does she have to say about this situation?
Guest:
She's probably listening more to the client and, you know, taking the objective, subjective feedback that we have from her that she is, she's happy and not concerned and has full trust in employees
Amelia:
Sasha
Guest:
that she's going to take care of it to the best of her ability.
Amelia:
Yeah. And so how does that feel if you think about not finishing it tomorrow, just knowing that like everything is under control, everything is, is good and you actually do get to just have your evening and not overextend yourself tomorrow.
Guest:
That feels a lot better.
Amelia:
Awesome. And so, tomorrow, right now, if you imagine, like, it's time for dinner, it's time to wrap up, what do you notice when you imagine that?
Guest:
Um, feeling calmer, feeling satisfied, feeling grateful, um, a lot more positive.
Amelia:
I love that. And, and I know sometimes it can feel like change is hard, but the cool thing is, like, this is not about perfection, right? It's all an experiment. And I can tell, like, you do like that, experimenting, right? And collecting data. And that's so perfect for this, of just, yeah. Every evening, when it is time to transition, now that transition period, gets to be an experimenting period, right? Like, where you just collect some data for the day, you can even write down how you're feeling, too, because that can be really helpful. Instead of, just being in that emotion, if you can label it or put it on paper, then you are already distancing yourself from that a little bit. And I think checking in with CEO Sasha could be really great because she seems to have so much wisdom. Like she knows what's up.
Guest:
She's great, yeah. She's, I think she's, she's talking about raises and bonuses and gift cards to Starbucks or wherever, so.
Amelia:
Yes, that's amazing. And it's so hard, right? Because like as a business owner and then as a mom, it's like you are trying to, Be so many people all at the same time, all with like competing needs and things that you're feeling like you needed to, and that that can just feel like a pressure cooker situation or like that. It's just like never enough. Yep. So it can sometimes help of just to like, okay, like break down those roles, like give every role and every part a voice and check in with what they're all saying so that it's, you're not just feeling weighed down by everything.
Guest:
Yeah, I like that.
Amelia:
And so, how do you think it'll feel, like, imagine that you have, like, it's six months from now, and you have been experimenting, you have been practicing, reflecting in the evening, getting to, actually have your evenings, where, like, it's fine if you, you know, those thoughts, you put them down on paper, right? And you know that that is just such an important time so that tomorrow you're going to be able to show up the way that You want to feel?
Guest:
Yeah, I'm I am. I would hope that I feel fulfilled and calmer and more confident in taking care of myself. Um, hopefully have the data to back it up from continued client relationships and continued referrals. Um, hopefully more revenue, you know, obviously. Yeah, that was my hope.
Amelia:
Yeah, and imagine that, like, this is something you're working with other business owners and man. We all need that kind of thing. And so, like, how valuable, right? If you are getting to do that, you're leading by example, it's something that you can pass on to the other people that you're working with as well. And that's such a great way of just resisting and going against hustle culture, right? Like that is what we all need to unlearn because it makes us think that leads to success and it really doesn't, you know, it's like not actually getting to enjoy the things that really matter in life.
Guest:
Agreed. Yeah.
Amelia:
And so if you think about tonight when it's time to wrap up, what do you notice?
Guest:
Well, I'm solo tonight. My husband has a work dinner, so I don't, I don't really have any choices tonight. Um, although I, I, once my kids go to bed, um, that would be prime opportunity to take out the computer. Um. I'm looking forward to keeping my computer closed, finding some kind of calm activity for myself, and, um, I don't know, just the hope of turning over a new leaf with things.
Amelia:
Awesome. Love that. And then I always think it's nice to have a plan B, too. So, say, You know, there is a little bit of temptation because, you know, as we're changing, then the old patterns, they may want to try to show up. So what do you think? What is something that even if there's a little bit of that, like temptation, what could you do to?
Guest:
I know it's going to be there. Um, make my list of what I did do. Um, My plan for tomorrow for what I'm going to tackle, um, maybe like writing out my schedule and putting down what's going to happen when to feel more confidence about what tomorrow will look like, or, you know, even the rest of the week if tomorrow is too busy, which might be the case.
Amelia:
Yeah, and I also highly recommend when you're doing that, like, writing down your successes from the day too because it can be easy to think about what you didn't do. But I bet there's so much that you did do and also recognizing like because being in the flight mode, it can be easy for us to want to just see everything that we checked off of our to do list as a success. But the real success is what you said right at the beginning. The things that are hardest is resisting to do more. And so really celebrating that success of like, I noticed that I have other things to do, but I am changing, I am choosing rest in this recovery period so that tomorrow I can do my best work.
Guest:
Love that. Fingers crossed. Yes.
Amelia:
How does that feel?
Guest:
I feel good. It feels good. I, I feel, I feel hope, um, that I can do it. And yeah, definitely having CEO
Amelia:
Sasha
Guest:
talk to me and give me a little tough love. Um, I think that's a voice that I need to bring out and listen to more often, um, to, to just help remind myself. Um,
Amelia:
Awesome. Yeah. And today we've already been offering your brain new paths. So instead of just feeling like you have things to do and just Pressuring yourself to do all of it. We've been offering lots of other ways that you can feel. And so to continue to put up that pattern interrupt or to teach your brain new things, if you notice that feeling of urgency showing up, if you do tapping, that's such a good pattern interrupt, it's like putting up a stop sign on that old kind of highway that was in your brain. And that'll help you to detour too. So like, if you notice it. Do a round of tapping and then check in with CEO Sasha that could really help you with Continuing to pave a new path where you get to just enjoy your evenings.
Guest:
Okay, perfect. I love that idea.
Amelia:
Awesome
Guest:
Thanks, Amelia.
Amelia:
You're welcome. So good to see you
Guest:
good to see you too Bye. Bye
So, how did things go, right? I'm sure you're curious. Did it work? Was she able to close the laptop after the end of the day? And so, I checked in with who we're calling Sasha in this episode one week later and asked her just to give me some feedback on how things went. So, this is what she wrote:
I loved our session last week, and I'm proud to share that I've closed my laptop before dinner every workday since. I was worried I'd feel really anxious and wanting to grab my computer, but I've been surprisingly okay. It still feels a little weird, where I don't know what I should be doing during that time, but I'm excited to figure it out. I'm feeling inspired and motivated to figure out better time management strategies, so I feel even more confident about shutting down for the day. I've had chats with CEO Sasha on quite a few occasions since as well, and that has probably made the biggest difference. I wouldn't want my employees to feel the way I felt, and as a boss I'd want to make sure my employees feel supported and are able to take care of themselves in all the ways. That mindset shift is huge, and feeling comfortable with making these new habit choices, both as an employee and CEO. I can't thank you enough for our session together. You truly have a gift for supporting people so that they can support themselves.
So, isn't it cool how in one hour there can be that kind of shift?
I've been chatting with her and one great problem that she's now having that she kind of alluded to there is that she now doesn't really know what to do with this extra time that she has every day and so now she gets to start thinking like when she has free time what hobbies does she want to do? What does she enjoy? And this is an opportunity for her to really get to explore what does Sasha like when she's not in the role of employee or CEO or mom or wife. What does she want to do?
And that's the beautiful thing that happens when you can start to shift out of survival mode. You start getting more energy and time back and it's an opportunity to start reconnecting with the real you and what you need and like and what really lights you up.
So if right now you also can relate to feeling like it's hard to turn off at night, or you feel like you're just stuck in survival mode, and it's just like hamster wheel situation, you can never get everything that you need to done, or maybe you're always staying at work late every single day, now just think, what would it be like if you were done with work on time? Imagine if you had, maybe you're staying at work an hour late every day. Imagine if you had four or five extra hours per week. What you would do with those.
And that's where one little change can cause such a powerful positive ripple effect in so many aspects of life. Because not only are you getting to do things that help to recharge you, but maybe you have more time and energy for healthy habits, and that also makes it so much easier to be more present for the people in your life who matter. So think, what would you do with that extra time?
And one thing that I want to point out because this happens all the time with this kind of change work where there is a big shift in the way that you feel. Often it's surprising, so you notice how she says she worried that she'd feel really anxious and wanting to grab her computer, but has been surprisingly okay. And that is where this deeper layer, And this technique that I use in having the conversation and the different somatic work that we do to regulate the nervous system, it really does help to rewire the brain.
And so it was just a habit that she had, the habit of wanting to do more, being in that survival mode, that flight nervous system response, feeling like slowing down and shifting into a slower gear in the evening, that felt unsafe. And so her brain, it just needed a software update. We needed to offer to her brain, actually that's okay, and to offer alternative ways of feeling, feeling like she could be done at the end of the day, that that was actually really important, that she wanted to listen to CEO Sasha, and to not be overextended as an employee.
And so, you may have heard kind of towards the end of the session, there was this feeling like she was feeling optimistic, but her conscious brain also was like, well, I know it's going to be hard still, because that's what she was used to. And you can see in that feedback she gave a week later, it's surprising that it's not as hard. And that's because, of course, you remember how you used to feel and you expect to feel that way. And yet, in the body, that nervous system response and that feeling that made it feel almost impossible to, unwind at the end of the day and to pause, that has already changed. And so it helps to be creating new habits in a much more efficient way.
One of my favorite ways of playing around with this is for phobias that people have had for their whole life or like for a really long time because often, sometimes even just in about 20 minutes, we can just teach that brain a new way of thinking so that that phobia disappears. So, if you do have a phobia, um, and you're interested in being on the podcast, maybe let me know.
And again, this is just an example that, honestly, every single thing that we do with repetition is just a habit. We have patterns of worrying, or, imposter syndrome, or choosing the unhealthy food at the end of the day even though you planned on having a healthy dinner, or staying up later even though you wanted to be going to bed on time, or hitting snooze too many times, even though you know it makes for a much more enjoyable morning when you get up the first time. All of these things are just habits in your brain, and your brain is Very capable of rewiring and changing when you know the strategy and when you know how to speak your body and nervous system's language instead of just trying to like consciously create change.
ANd two ways that you can experience this:
- One is absolutely in my six month Life Boost Mentorship program where you can have access to weekly group coaching calls. There is the option to add on a one on one session with me when you are in that container as well.
- There's also a new, course that I have. It is make habits your superpower. And so that is one of the courses that's included in my mentorship program. I decided to make that available on its own. And so I teach the steps of being able to change a habit. It's not going to be quite the same as when I'm coaching, but it teaches you the steps so that you can break down any habit, come up with a game plan, and it combines neuroscience, self compassion, and unconscious reprogramming. I've even included some guided meditations or hypnosis to help you to connect with your unconscious mind. So that's now available.
I will leave the link in the show notes to all of this, And I'm looking forward to hearing what you think.
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